Things I Learned From Snooki

"Old people, they lose their sex life, and that's not a fun time. That's why people always get divorced."

"You know what's fun? Taking a shot off your wife."

"That's why the water is salty. Because of whale sperm."

"The hallway is really small and the bed is, like, really wide. It's kind of like an analogy of Vinny's penis not fitting in my pinhole."

"The lesbian rate in this country is going up."

"You usually don't have sex with your big brother."

"I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, and I will hide in a bush."

"When I told you that I had feelings for you, and then you go and smush my best friend... that's not OK."

"If you wanna make out with me, just ask. I will say yes."

"Word of the day: Sympathetic. It's a big word."

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